Hero to Zero

I follow a lot of pages on Facebook and Instagram that motivate and inspire me. There is one page in particular that I have been following all throughout their weight loss journey. This woman was someone that I looked up to and someone that I sought advice from on multiple occasions, as she has lost over 200 pounds and counting. One thing she promised to her followers from the start was that she would never try to sell us. She would never be the one with meal plan for us to buy and follow nor would she have alternative motives for running her page other than guiding us and pushing us in the right direction. The more followers she got, the less approachable she became. I could look past this, because I'm sure she was being bombarded with messages and comments on a regular basis and I knew I could still rely on her posts, webpage and email newsletter to do the trick. Then, once she reaching a pretty ridiculous amount of followers, she got sponsored by a protein shake company and she regularly began recommending them, etc. Good for her! I was happy to see her weight loss success paving the way for her to help others. I became irritated, though, when she began selling her services and advice, creating her own meal plan and prep services, etc. I stop following her for a while at this point, because I felt let down. She promised she'd never be the person she was turning into. When I started this journey, a friend recommended that I begin following her again, because she found her to be a great motivation. I mean after all she had lost over 200 pounds without the assistance of surgery. So, I gave her another try. I resolved to just overlook her promotion and sale posts and just focus on updates and the occasional tip and tricks that she shared. Then today, it all took a turn for the worst. I had to walk away. It broke my heart to have to remove someone from my life that I had once looked up to so much. She was the motivating factor behind my even wanting to journal my ups and downs so that I would have something to look back on once I got to the point she it at now.

Today, on her public Facebook page, she posted a photo that offended me and my friend very deeply. It was a simple shot of her at the gym, which are almost daily posts on her page. Nothing unusual. The caption, though, is what killed me. It read "I fat shame." I was appalled. I decided I should read all of the text before I jumped to conclusions, so I did just that. I turned out to be even more disappointed in someone that I practically idolized. Essentially her post said that it made her sad when she saw morbidly obese ladies-- like myself, mind you-- glamorizing their self love by shoving donuts and pizza down their throats and then proclaiming that "hey, this is me! if you don't like me, then you're shaming me." She then went on to say, again, that she was a fat shamer, but in the literal sense. She also shared and meme of a prominent plus size model eating a corn dog that said something along the lines of "I wont apologize for being me." The woman said this made her said, because while she found her beautiful and was impressed by the number of women who looked up to her, if only she could swap the corn dog out for a piece of grilled chicken that that would be the right message for her followers. I was mad. First off, the term fat shame literally means to put down another person for being overweight. How else should I take that? Am I morbidly obese? Yes. Do I workout and try every day to eat healthier and be a better person? Yes. Do I mess up and enjoy a good slice or 7 of pizza or bag full of tacos every now again? Sure. Is this any reason to love myself less or to not enjoy the body I'm in now until I get to be in the body I want? Absolutely not! The body positive movement isn't about glorifying obesity. It is about recognizing that no matter what you can't judge someone based upon their appearance. You never know what anyone else's battle is. Fat shaming is nasty. Point blank. Real people who are really struggling might just be one hateful, negative comment away from hurting themselves or maybe that comment is just the motivation they need to prove someone wrong. Either way, fat shaming has no place in this world. We should all be fighting for body acceptance. There could be a thousand reasons why someone is heavier than others, and if that reason is because they'd rather eat cheeseburgers than salads, that is no one's decision but theirs. And you, nor anyone else, have any right to claim they aren't really happy or can't possibly truly love themselves. Sure, maybe that'd the case with some-- but not all. I'm not perfect and I will never claim to. You can't judge health by looking at someone and words hurt. I don't eat healthy everyday, all day and most days I struggle to reach all of the goals that I set for myself. When I mess up and have Chik Fil A for lunch, though, I'm not going to hate myself or get defeated. I'm going to move on, take it as a learning moment, and keep on trucking. I love myself, no matter what size I am, and that will continue for the rest of my life. It took me a long time to get here and no mater what I eat or what I do to show myself love will change that. I've never been happier. I could continue ranting for days, but I'll stop here. I had to get this off my chest, because it just didn't sit right with me. I just want to take this last moment to thank the people who have shown me love and support during this journey, because I probably would have given up already if it weren't for you all.