Hero to Zero

I follow a lot of pages on Facebook and Instagram that motivate and inspire me. There is one page in particular that I have been following all throughout their weight loss journey. This woman was someone that I looked up to and someone that I sought advice from on multiple occasions, as she has lost over 200 pounds and counting. One thing she promised to her followers from the start was that she would never try to sell us. She would never be the one with meal plan for us to buy and follow nor would she have alternative motives for running her page other than guiding us and pushing us in the right direction. The more followers she got, the less approachable she became. I could look past this, because I'm sure she was being bombarded with messages and comments on a regular basis and I knew I could still rely on her posts, webpage and email newsletter to do the trick. Then, once she reaching a pretty ridiculous amount of followers, she got sponsored by a protein shake company and she regularly began recommending them, etc. Good for her! I was happy to see her weight loss success paving the way for her to help others. I became irritated, though, when she began selling her services and advice, creating her own meal plan and prep services, etc. I stop following her for a while at this point, because I felt let down. She promised she'd never be the person she was turning into. When I started this journey, a friend recommended that I begin following her again, because she found her to be a great motivation. I mean after all she had lost over 200 pounds without the assistance of surgery. So, I gave her another try. I resolved to just overlook her promotion and sale posts and just focus on updates and the occasional tip and tricks that she shared. Then today, it all took a turn for the worst. I had to walk away. It broke my heart to have to remove someone from my life that I had once looked up to so much. She was the motivating factor behind my even wanting to journal my ups and downs so that I would have something to look back on once I got to the point she it at now.

Today, on her public Facebook page, she posted a photo that offended me and my friend very deeply. It was a simple shot of her at the gym, which are almost daily posts on her page. Nothing unusual. The caption, though, is what killed me. It read "I fat shame." I was appalled. I decided I should read all of the text before I jumped to conclusions, so I did just that. I turned out to be even more disappointed in someone that I practically idolized. Essentially her post said that it made her sad when she saw morbidly obese ladies-- like myself, mind you-- glamorizing their self love by shoving donuts and pizza down their throats and then proclaiming that "hey, this is me! if you don't like me, then you're shaming me." She then went on to say, again, that she was a fat shamer, but in the literal sense. She also shared and meme of a prominent plus size model eating a corn dog that said something along the lines of "I wont apologize for being me." The woman said this made her said, because while she found her beautiful and was impressed by the number of women who looked up to her, if only she could swap the corn dog out for a piece of grilled chicken that that would be the right message for her followers. I was mad. First off, the term fat shame literally means to put down another person for being overweight. How else should I take that? Am I morbidly obese? Yes. Do I workout and try every day to eat healthier and be a better person? Yes. Do I mess up and enjoy a good slice or 7 of pizza or bag full of tacos every now again? Sure. Is this any reason to love myself less or to not enjoy the body I'm in now until I get to be in the body I want? Absolutely not! The body positive movement isn't about glorifying obesity. It is about recognizing that no matter what you can't judge someone based upon their appearance. You never know what anyone else's battle is. Fat shaming is nasty. Point blank. Real people who are really struggling might just be one hateful, negative comment away from hurting themselves or maybe that comment is just the motivation they need to prove someone wrong. Either way, fat shaming has no place in this world. We should all be fighting for body acceptance. There could be a thousand reasons why someone is heavier than others, and if that reason is because they'd rather eat cheeseburgers than salads, that is no one's decision but theirs. And you, nor anyone else, have any right to claim they aren't really happy or can't possibly truly love themselves. Sure, maybe that'd the case with some-- but not all. I'm not perfect and I will never claim to. You can't judge health by looking at someone and words hurt. I don't eat healthy everyday, all day and most days I struggle to reach all of the goals that I set for myself. When I mess up and have Chik Fil A for lunch, though, I'm not going to hate myself or get defeated. I'm going to move on, take it as a learning moment, and keep on trucking. I love myself, no matter what size I am, and that will continue for the rest of my life. It took me a long time to get here and no mater what I eat or what I do to show myself love will change that. I've never been happier. I could continue ranting for days, but I'll stop here. I had to get this off my chest, because it just didn't sit right with me. I just want to take this last moment to thank the people who have shown me love and support during this journey, because I probably would have given up already if it weren't for you all.

Another Throwback

Recently, a friend sent me this photo via Facebook of us back during the summer before my sophomore year of college. I can't help but thinking about how much I used to hate myself and how now I would give anything to be back that size. Now, it's my goal to be back to the size 16 I was when this photo was taken. Just thought I would share a little tidbit of the motivation that fueling my journey this time around.

Strength Training-- Where do I start?

I've always been told that cardio is the key to losing weight. I'm now learning that strength training plays a much larger role than I ever realized. I've done some before-- I was a member at Curves several years ago for a short time when they were running a health trial and testing their "30 minutes, 3 times a week" tag line. That was my first introduction to any type of strength training. After this, I was a member of YMCA with my family where we were each given a fitness routine. Mine incorporated some weight machines, similar to those at Curves, but not to the same extent. When I was a member of Planet Fitness, before moving to South Carolina, they had a 30 minute circuit room, extremely similar to that at Curves. My best friend and I would always do a bit of cardio, but would finish our workouts in this room. I saw a ton of results when we were doing that routine on a regular basis. At that point in time, I hadn't made any changes in my diet at all. It was strictly exercise changes, so obviously, when we stopped all 50 of the pounds I had lost came right back. This time around, I'm doing things the right way, but now I don't really know where to start. I don't have the guidance I had at Curves or the Y. Some of the machines at my current gym are similar to ones I have seen and used in the past, but there aren't as many as I'm used to seeing. It has also been so long since I've used them, I'm just not sure what I'm doing. A lot of the machines are missing the information panel, so I'm not sure what muscles I'm working, or even which ones I should be trying to work for that matter. I tried some research on Pinterest, but haven't really found much that I think would work for me. I'm thinking of investing in a kettlebell of some sort, but I'd like to try the ones at the gym first that make sure that it's something I can stick with. If anyone has any resources that they think would be helpful, this is my call for help.

Down 8 Pounds

I have been following a motivation group on Instagram that has finally set a fire under my butt. Each Thursday, they participate in a virtual 5K (3.1 miles). I made it my goal for this month, as something kind of far fetched that I didn't really think that I would be able to accomplish. This morning, I went to the gym before work determined to make it happen. I hit a road block as soon as I got there, because I wasn't able to work out in the women's only room-- my safe place in the gym. I also knew right away that I was going to have to complete the miles on separate machines, because I was going to get bored and not be able to stay focused for the total amount of time it was going to take me to complete. I started on the treadmill. Here I complete only .6 miles, which had me feeling low already. I moved to the elliptical, which is the hardest machine for me to work out on. It winds me, quickly, but I pushed myself and complete 1 mile there. Finally, I moved to the stationary bike, which is also difficult for my because my belly is always in the way so I have to work super hard, but I know it also burns the least amount of calories. I stuck it out, either way, and finished the last 1.5 miles. I'm proud of myself for just this small accomplishment, because I didn't even think going into this morning that I would walk out of the gym successful. I finished up my visit by Sauna Bathing for 15 more minutes, logged it all on My Fitness Pal and learned that I burned just about 1,000 calories during my visit today. I weighed myself on my way out and learned that I am down a total of 8 pounds. It may not be much, but it's a start.

Olive Garden (at home) Night

Over the weekend, we decided to make our own Olive Garden food at home. I already keep Olive Garden Italian dressing on hand-- it's my favorite by far. I found a recipe online for a crock pot version of Zuppa Tuscana, though slightly modified. And we always keep garlic bread on standby-- as a coupon-er, we always get good deals on pasta, and what good is pasta without garlic bread?! We just used a Spring Mix salad we buy on a regular basis with the dressing. I thought I would share the recipe for Zuppa Tuscana, because it turned out wonderfully and it was super simple to make.

Ingredients
1 lb. ground pork sausage
3/4 c. onion, diced
6 slices bacon, diced
1.25 t. garlic, minced
4 cups chicken broth
1 c. potatoes, cut into bite sized pieces
2 c. kale, thinly sliced
3/4 c. whipping cream

Instructions
1. Cook sausage in a large skillet and brown over medium heat.
2. Drain and set aside.
3. Place onion and bacon in the skillet and saute over medium heat until the onions are translucent.
4. Place sausage, onions, bacon and garlic in your crock pot along with remaining ingredients (except for the last two).
5. Cook on low for 4-6 hours.
6. Add your kale and whipping cream to your crock pot and stir before serving.