Feeling Defeated

I feel like I am making things harder on myself than necessary. Today, especially, I am feeling the effects of that. I can't lie to myself. I have an addiction. To sugar. To fast food. To taking the easy way out. I am an emotional eater. When something goes wrong, I eat. When something goes right, I eat. When I'm happy, sad, bored, or otherwise, I eat. I have always done this. A learned habit that I cannot seem to break. I am two pounds down from when we started this challenge. While I should be proud of myself, I am just beating myself up. Mostly because I know I have been letting my old habits get the best of me. I know I have what it takes to get where I want to be, and I know how hard it is going to be to get there. Instead of fighting, I've been hiding. I've been letting my emotions about work and family and everything else get the best of me and I've been taking the easy way out. Eating fast food for lunch at every chance that I get. Even when I know that I need to do better, I somehow find a way to talk myself into doing the wrong thing. I have been using My Fitness Pal, almost religiously, and while most days I stay under my calorie goal there have been days where I have gone way over my limit. I don't know how to fix this. I don't know if I need a hobby to distract me from eating, or an alternate route home so that I don't drive past the fast food I "need to have" at any given moment. I have given myself some means of accountability, but it just doesn't seem to be enough. We post our goals on the fridge, so every time we open it we are reminded of where we want to be. I have someone teaching me about nutrition and checking my calorie intake, but still I have not successfully followed my goals on any consistent level this past month. I get through a day or two and then I'm right back in the drive thru line at McDonald's. I'm so frustrated with myself, I cant even begin to explain. I could really use some advice on how to trick myself to stay away from bad for me crap and staying on track with my goals.

We have created new goals for the upcoming month. We changed up our personal goals, or at least the ones we've been succeeding at, and left the ones we still need to work on. I have Erik joining My Fitness Pal as another way to keep myself accountable, hoping that it will be the push I need to truly succeed this next month. Below I have posted our new goals on the spreadsheet we hang on the fridge to track our progress. It's just a simple spreadsheet that I created in Excel and it works perfectly for our needs.

Flashback Friday

While searching through old photographs of myself to be used for some of our wedding decorations, I came across one taken in September of 2003. It was my first day of high school. Thinking back, I've never felt any smaller or larger in size than I currently am. I've always just felt fat. I knew I was bigger than other girls my age, and therefore I was always self conscious. I never liked myself. As I have aged, I have learned to love myself, no matter what. Big or small, I know that I am smart and important and, best of all, I am loved. It just makes me sad to think that I thought so little of myself back then, especially considering that it was probably the smallest I have ever and potentially will ever be in my adult life. If only I could give the confidence that I have now to my then self.

I have been doing really well with my personal goals the past few days. I can't say that we've cut back on eating out as much as I'd like to admit, but at least we're trying. I have tried to stay away from fast food, but it's such an easy answer. On the way to work or from, a quick stop by the drive thru and ta-da! I'm not hungry anymore. I can at least say that I made more healthy choices when doing this than I would in the past. I really would like to give Neal prepping a try, so that I have things to take on the go. The trouble with this for me is how inconsistent my schedule is. From day to day, I could work early morning to early afternoon, or late morning to mid afternoon, or late afternoon to late night, or really any combination of the above throughout the week. I can't seem to find an option that works for me that doesn't include eating out. I'm struggling with this one. On the bright side of things, I have hit my personal goals everyday for the last week. My water intake is at a solid 100 ounces everyday now that we're back at work again. I have been keeping up my fitbit and haven't forgotten to wear it a single day since I got it. I'm averaging about 6000 steps per day, and even hit almost 9000 once last week. I'm working desperately to get this number up, but again, I'm having trouble finding consistency to get myself on somewhat of a regular schedule that I can easily follow. I have opportunity to change this, though, and hopefully I will get some good news at the end of next week. I don't ask for it often, but all the good luck and well wishes you can send my way will definitely be appreciated. We're headed to the grocery store this evening. I'm hoping we can do as good this week as we did last week. Our goal, again, is to shop only the perimeter of the store for as many items as possible and to stay away from the frozen foods. Also, we're still trying to prep one meal to freeze so that we have a small stockpile of things to choose from on lazy days. Still looking for recipes if anyone has some good, healthy crock pot meals.

Slow Cooker Chicken Burrito Bowl

Tried this recipe out for dinner tonight. I found it scrolling through Pinterest. It was pretty good-- we really enjoyed it. Next time we try it, we think it would be better suited with real onion and garlic versus powders and served on tortillas with fresh veggies, especially tomatoes and lettuce and perhaps a dollop of sour cream. It would also be pretty easy to store in a gallon freezer bag (before cooking) to prep and save for later-- just a thaw and dump in the crock pot. Also, I purchased a Fitbit! I'm pretty pumped about it. If you'd like to add me, I think you can look me up by name or my account is linked to my Facebook page. Enjoy the recipe below-- credit can be found at the bottom of the post.

Prep Time: 15 Minutes

Cook Time: 4 Hours, 45 Minutes

Total Time: 5 Hours

Ingredients

• 1 pound boneless, skinless chicken breasts about 2 large breasts
• 2 tablespoons of olive oil
• 3 teaspoons of onion powder
• 2 teaspoons of garlic powder
• 3 teaspoons of chili powder
• 2 teaspoons of cumin
• 1 teaspoon of kosher salt and freshly ground pepper to taste
• 3 cups of low-sodium chicken broth
• 1 15 oz can of diced tomatoes, drained
• 1 14 oz can of black beans, drained and rinsed
• 2 3/4 cups of instant whole grain brown rice
• 1 1/2 cups of shredded colby jack cheese

Instructions

1. Place chicken breasts in slow cooker.
2. Pour chicken broth over chicken breasts and stir in canned tomatoes, olive oil, onion powder, garlic powder, chili powder, cumin, salt and pepper.
3. Cook on low for about 4 hours, until chicken reaches 165 degrees.
4. Remove chicken breasts from slow cooker.
5. Turn slow cooker to high and stir in instant rice and black beans.
6. Let cook 30-45 minutes on high, or until rice is tender.
7. Add chicken back in, top with cheese and let cook a few minutes longer until cheese is melted.
8. Serve with fresh diced tomatoes, sour cream, green onions, avocados or guacamole.

Credit: http://www.number-2-pencil.com/2014/10/01/slow-cooker-chicken-burrito-bowl/

Back to Work

On Wednesday, we got the call we've been waiting for. Back to work. I was feeling both grateful and reluctant at the same time. Grateful to have something to do again, but also knowing that I will have to go back to sacrificing a lot of the time I would like to be spending with my husband. I've been picking up a lot of hours, already, trying to get our store back on track. While I appreciate the exercise and constant movement, I must admit that it's more exhausting than I remember. I'm finding it hard to balance the gym, staying on track with our challenge goals, and home/work life daily tasks. I haven't even been back to the gym since the ridiculousness that was the complimentary fitness assessment. I was feeling a little awkward about going back in and having to face the trainer-- I wrote an email to him politely declining and at least offering to reevaluate a few months down the road. On the bright side, I had a friend from college reach out to me and offer me some advice and guidance, particularly on the nutrition side of things, and I am beyond grateful. I'm really optimistic that this is the answer that I needed to make this time different than the rest. Only time will tell. Right now, I've been asked to count my calories so we can figure out the right goal for me. This is something that I have always steered clear of, not really sure why-- probably fear of embarrassing or disgusting myself-- but I realize that it's an important part of reaching my goals. I also purchased a fitbit as a little motivation and progress tracker.  I'm still feeling motivated overall and optimistic about this journey. I'm hoping being back in the swing of things that I will be able to get myself on somewhat of a regular schedule (work aside, since it doesn't seem that I will ever find a position with regular, consistent hours--but that's another story) balancing all the things that are important to me. This seems to be the biggest part of this challenge so far, so if anyone has any tips or tricks about creating and following a personal schedule I would greatly appreciate it.

Setbacks and Shortcomings

I have been MIA the past few days. We've been cheating. Cheating only ourselves, and the thought of it makes me sick. Over the weekend, we went to lunch and Ruby Tuesday, against our one restaurant visit per pay period rule. I don't feel so terrible about that, though, as we did both have the salad bar and made pretty healthy choices otherwise while there. We had water, and no soda. It could have been worse... That was what happened to us yesterday, when we totally let the lazy overtake us and we ended up at Moe's for dinner. $5 burritos, chips, and salsa is a heck of a deal when you're feeling like that pile of dishes in the sink is just too much to conquer after a long day at work or a day full of meetings. To add on to that, we also had cheese dip and for the first time since starting our 90 day challenge I drank my calories. I made excuses (the soda machine was out of both diet and zero coke and sprite) and just let it happen instead of switch to unsweetened tea, lemonade, or water. I was disappointed in myself to say the least. Even Erik woke up today feeling guilty. On the bright side of things, I did finally sign up for a gym membership. It's local to me, right outside of our neighborhood--less than a 5 minute drive!-- and they have a women only room, which was the real selling point for me. With my membership, I got a free consultation and fitness assessment with a personal trainer. While mostly, I could tell his goal was primarily selling me the service--which is extremely expensive and way outside of our current budget-- I do feel like he gave me some good basic information to get me started. He helped put my goals into perspective and we both agreed that in order to reach my goal weight, it would take me about 22 months (with the goal of losing 10 pounds per month and leaving some wriggle room for when I hit plateaus and when I exceed my goal). It made this challenge seem really doable and achievable, and I have never felt that was possible, which the exception of when I explored bariatric surgery as an option. I also, FINALLY, got a library card after living here for nearly a year and half. While I am an avid reader, my thought process behind this was to be able to get out fitness and nutrition books and workout videos. I got two yoga DVDs yesterday that I am looking forward to trying tonight. We did slip up, again, this evening by both having a 6 inch sub from Subway for dinner with our soup (leftover Medieval Times Tomato Bisque) but on the bright side we both reached all three of our personal goals for the first time since we started our 90 challenge. I'm feeling very motivated today. I'm hoping that the consultation I had today with the trainer really lit a fire under me and will keep me moving. 22 months! I can do that. I can commit to that. As fast as time flies by for me, that would be here in no time. Even if I don't reach my goal weight by then, I know I can make a huge change by then. I am a little nervous about how awkward visiting the gym may be after turning down the trainer services, but I can't let that derail me. All I can do is move forward and focus on positive outcomes these changes and challenges are sure to bring.

Medieval Times Tomato Bisque

Tonight we made the copy cat recipe of Medieval Times' Tomato Bisque or Baby Dragon Soup as they call it in the castle. We were quite pleased with the results, so here is the recipe we followed:

1 tbls. Olive oil
3/4 cup carrots, finely diced
1/2 cup celery, finely diced
1/2 cup onions, finely diced
1 tsp. garlic, minced
6 oz. tomato paste
15 1/2 oz can tomato puree
4 cups water
2 tsp. salt
3 tbls. Sugar
1/4 tsp. fresh ground pepper
Pinch Italian seasoning

(1) Heat olive oil in a large stock pot and sauté the carrots, celery and onions
until they are soft.
(2) Add the minced garlic and cook for another two minutes.
(3) Add the tomato paste, tomato puree and water, mix well and bring to a boil.
(4) Reduce the heat and add the remaining ingredients. Simmer for 45 minutes.
(5) Taste and adjust seasoning as necessary.

We cut the sugar down to only 2 teaspoons, because a lot of people commented that it was too sweet as the recipe was posted originally. We also chunked the veggies a little larger than suggested, which gave the soup a heartier feel. I found this on the Maryland Medieval Times Facebook page.

(https://www.facebook.com/MedievalTimesDinnerTournamentMaryland/posts/455869327784329)

Baby Steps

The past two days have been interesting, to say the least. I'm finding it challenging to stick to my goals already--I'm not feeling as motivated as I thought that I would. I really would like to invest in a treadmill, but they are pricey and it will take us at least a few months to be able to accomplish that. I did go on my "first" walk yesterday. We didn't get very far, just .7 of a mile, but I was proud of myself for getting out there and doing it. Water intake is complicated right now. While we have several cases of bottled water, with the boil water advisory still in affect, I feel the need to conserve more than consume. I have definitely had more glasses of water than on a typical day since starting to really work towards a better me, which is an improvement in my book. Ugh, soda. What a love/hate relationship that I have with you. I couldn't say no to having a Sprite yesterday with dinner. I enjoy having that carbonated beverage, but sparkling water just does not do it for me. Today, I sent Erik to the gas station and traded my typical Coke for a Diet--at least there are no calories. This particular habit of mine will not be easy to cut out. I thought I could drop it cold turkey, but that has not been the case at all. Hopefully once things get back to normal and we get back to a regular work schedule it will be easier to cut that craving. At least with working I am able to focus on other things, and I'm not in a near constant state of boredom. I perhaps need to find a hobby that is just as distracting and mind-numbing that I can do from home... At least we did will at the grocery store yesterday afternoon. We stayed away from frozen foods--which the exception of one frozen pizza that we're saving for a night we feel particularly lazy (no preservations, though, so we at least tried to make a more informed decision about what we're putting in to our bodies). Our big meals for this week will be a copy cat of the Tomato Bisque served at Medieval Times and a pot roast. We got a lot of fresh produce, such as asparagus, apples, onions, salad mix, potatoes, etc., and we only went down the center aisles for animal food and bread. This was definitely a more successful trip that ones in the past. While the past two days weren't as successful as I had hoped, I am optimistic that the changes we are making will slowly get us on the right track.

Walking Weight Loss

Here is the 6 Week Walking Challenge that I reference in my last post. Credit for the original poster/creator can be found at the bottom of this post.

6 Week Walking Plan
Start each walk with a 5 minute warm up (walk at a slow pace to warm up your muscles). Walk at a pace that is comfortable for you-- a good reference is if you are able to hold a conversation while walking.

Week One:
Plan for three walking sessions this week. It is best to give yourself a break in between, so plan for Monday, Wednesday, Friday or Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday. Aim for twenty minutes each session (not counting your warm up or cool down). If you cannot get to twenty minutes at one time, break it down-- two, ten minute sessions, etc. Focus on breathing while you walk and maintaining a comfortable pace.

Week Two:
Plan for three walking sessions this week, but increase your sessions to thirty minutes each (again, not including warm up or cool down).

Week Three:
This week you will increase your sessions to four times at thirty minutes each. This will be the maximum amount of sessions you do in one weeks time. You can pick any day to add your fourth session. If you are unable to walk for thirty minutes at one time, again it is okay to split into two, fifteen minute sessions or however you see fit to work for you.

Week Four:
Four, forty minute sessions. If you are getting bored, try taking a new path or creating a new playlist to spice up your walk. It can be hard to find forty minutes to exercise at one time, so feel free to split into two, twenty minutes sessions if necessary.

Week Five:
Doing great! Four, fifty minute sessions. Focus this week on trying to walk just a little faster pace that you have so far. Try to walk further than you have thus far by the end of the week.

Week Six:
Four, sixty minute sessions (not including your warm up or cool down, still). Focus on walking at a dedicated pace during your walk to prevent fatigue and allow yourself a more enjoyable experience. If you increase your speed again this week, that is fantastic! Make sure to congratulate yourself on how far you have come since week one and don't stop walking. Keep up this schedule on focus on speed and distance in coming weeks. Remember when you don't have time for a full sixty minute sessions, break it down into two, thirty minute sessions or three, short twenty minute walks.

End each walking session with a 5 minute cool down and stretches.



Credit: http://madamedeals.com/walking-weight-loss-printable/
(Please note that I was unable to load this page on my computer, but had no trouble viewing it from my smartphone.)

90 Day Challenge/Goals

Erik's 90 Day Goals--
(1) Eat more green vegetables
(2) Walk Rocky at least once per day
(3) No more frozen lunches-- too many processed ingredients

Bobbi's 90 Day Goals--
(1) No more soda-- I will not drink my calories! >.<
(2) Drink at least 100 ounces of water each day
(3) Walk or exercise at least thirty minutes each day

• I found a 6 week walking challenge on Pinterest that I will be following to start this off with-- I will share it in another post. On days that I do not walk, I will try to start back up practicing yoga at home. I will share the videos that I find the easiest to follow and the most useful to me.

Our 90 Day Goals--
(1) No fast food... This will be especially hard for me, because when I'm working it is the easiest and most convenient thing for me to grab. Also, working with food, I find it far to easy to use my mark out as my meals while I'm working. I will have to pick healthier options-- oatmeal instead of muffins or the low calorie sandwich over the full fat, high calorie one, or I will need to pack food to eat during my shifts.
(2) Eat out only once per pay period... Following Erik's pay schedule, this will be twice a month. It is foolish for us to think that we will not eat out at all for the rest of ever. By cutting us down to this number, we will be saving a significant amount of money and by making smarter choices when doing so will still keep us on track with our goals.
(3) Prep one extra meal each week... This is how we plan on curving our desire to eat out-- by finding easy to prep/easy to make meals and having them on stand by for lazy days. Now that it's Crock Pot season, this should be exceptionally easy for us to get into the swing of.

I made a simple graph to track our goals daily in Excel, which I plan on hanging on the refrigerator. The thought process behind this is just a visual reference for where we want to see ourselves going. Each week I plan on posting updates on where we are and how we are working these goals into our day to day lives.

A Healthier Us

Today is my birthday and the start of a new year and new chapter in my life. A lot of things have changed recently. I've been a my job for nearly a year now, and while I was promoted a while back I have now become the most tenured supervisor at my store. On top of work changes, I got married two weeks ago today. Now that things are starting to fall into place, my husband and I have decided it's the right time to start living our life a little healthier. We get lazy, like everyone does at times, but we have been relying on fast food and eating out far more often than we should and definitely more than we'd like to admit. Starting tomorrow--since of course we have to go out for my birthday-- we've decided to cut out eating out as a start to a healthier us. Since we're taking this huge step in the right direction, I also thought it was a good time to start an overall lifestyle change for myself. There are goals that I would like to achieve and being overweight severely hinders the chance of those things happening for me. Of course, I would like to start a family with my husband some day and the thought of carrying and caring for a child at my size is more scary than it is exciting. That for me is enough of an indicator that I need to make a more drastic change than just cutting out fast foods. While I am proud and confident of the person that I am, I know that these changes have been a long time coming. Hopefully this blog will serve as both the motivation and the accountability that I need to stay focused and make these goals a reality. The types of posts that you can expect to find here, aside from random ramblings, are likely to be food journals, recipes that we come across and really enjoy, and updates on my personal goals and achievements. I'm off to rid the house of junk food and get us ready to turn the page. Any tips or tricks, recipes or words of wisdom are welcome. Thanks for following our journey.